Soap is not a condiment
now i know why i became what i already was.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
