I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
