It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
