Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
