Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
