This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
