I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
