two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
