if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
