Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
false alarm, still single
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
