I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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