I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
