Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
