and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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