she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
