He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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