when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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