You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
