He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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