someone owes me an orgasm
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
