The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
