Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
