Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
