I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
