I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
