I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My cat gives me a boner
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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