I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
