Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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