I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
