I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
