thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My cat gives me a boner
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
