Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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