he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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