Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
