ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
