So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
