Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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