I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
