I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
