i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
