I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
