oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
