I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What a dumb baby whore.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
