Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
