There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
