I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
