i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
