At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
