Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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