It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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